[The following is a transcript of a conversation between Rayson and a Student who was depressed, discouraged, and with a negative attitude.]
Q: Yeah, what am I doing wrong? It just seems there is never enough joy, time, happiness, love - any of those things, and L. Time goes by so fast doing things that I don't enjoy that I don't have time to do those things that I do enjoy. And maybe you know that the last few weeks I've felt worried and negative about. I've just gone through a period of negativity and frustration about my life. And I wonder if sometimes I just feel like.. God doesn't give us more than we can handle, but when is it ever going to change?
You know, I feel like sometimes my back is going to be broken. I'd so much rather spend time or becoming a T/R like we've talked about and doing creative and fulfilling and special things that make a difference, and yet I find myself - its just - an existence for me right now. There are moments of joy - I don't want to look at it in total negativity - but I almost feel like the subtext of the lesson was lets talk to (S) here, she's losing her mind. What am I not - where have I not got it in life? What am I doing wrong?
A: Your basic statement is one that has been uttered by all form of free-will creatures from the most basic small child all the way to agondonters, and the fact that you have these feelings shows that you are proceeding correctly. The passage from the life in the flesh offers relief from physical pain as you know it, however there are always many pressures, many demands. There are those tasks we are joyous in executing, and those that we dread but attempt to gladly carry out. It will ever be for you, my friend, throughout the period of your universe existence.
The fact that you are conscious of your pain and joy is a wonderful sign for it means that you are not anaesthetic as are so many of your fellow beings on Urantia, so deeply mired in their preoccupation with the physical life that they have no conscious, or little conscious awareness of anything beyond. You have had spiritual stirrings for quite some time, and they have reached a level at which you feel an urgency to step up to the next level. Be patient, and it shall occur more quickly than you might expect.
It is most likely that you have not yet sorted out certain issues that are important for your own growth. Once this is completed then you shall advance to the level that I believe you desire. Does that help?
S: Mmm. Kind of. I know I just feel like a material existence is so ... its just such a struggle.
R: Of course.
Q: But what's the point? You know, how much more... I think I've got it in terms of information, and what to do and all that. I feel like I've been give so many gifts and strengths that are going to waste because I'm having to live this life as - just to make it - a day to day kind of things, I just -
A: To the contrary. Your gifts and strengths need a field of experience to be exercised upon, none better than adversity. Adversity will not stop when you die on earth - when you leave this body. This is only the beginning.
Q: Well how come some people have it easy and others don't? I just would like to not have to keep looking two weeks ahead to make it financially, or not being able to help my daughter, or this person or the other person? Or when does that get better? What change? You know I'm in a struggle all the time, all my life?
A: Yes. Nobody has it easy. That is an illusion. But if one is anaesthetic, one can more easily display that illusion of ease and comfort.
Q: All of my life there is never enough money, never enough joys, no love, all these things, will I always be like that?
A: There will always be struggle and adversity. Love and joy, however, will grow. Peace will eventually come, and acceptance, as your perspective grows beyond this tiny portion of your existence and you begin to see the benefits of struggle. Would you grow more satisfactorily if you were in a coma, on a ventilator with intravenous feedings, and personal attendants twenty-four hours a day? You would have no worries. You would have no pain. But would you grow?
S: No. Is that an equation as to what most of the populous is doing? That has no struggle? Or has enough money? Or lives in a nice house? Or goes with the in-thing. Just for once I would like some creature comforts.
R: I offer a contrast to show that experience is necessary in order to grow, probably in order to survive. Those to whom you refer with houses with roofs, and so on, have problems of their own that come with acquisition of material goals. They have taxes to pay, lawyers to meet, insurance companies to deal with. They too complain that they never have enough. Toilets overflowing, sick children, dying parents, failing health, the list goes on and on: relatives in prison, worries about burglars and thieves. In a way it is a blessing to have relatively little in terms of material possessions. The Master certainly did not become a wealthy man during his life on Urantia. Material goods are very imprisoning. They require care and maintenance, and protection from thieves, those who would take them from you. What do you have now that someone would steal from you?
S: Everything. I don't know. My car, break into my house, take a TV that I don't even own, you know, the material things that I own. I think I understand.
R: So you do have material possessions?
S: Yes. Its not that. I'm sorry, good night, always turn out the light. I have a dialogue in my head. You must hear me. You know I have a beautiful place to live, and I love that, and its just that I feel like I'm clawing and scratching every day.
R: That is true. That is why you are here. You clawed and scratched your way here.
S: To this room, or to the planet or...
R: To this room, to this lesson. (S: I know, I know.) You're pretty good at it. [laughter.]
S: I'm tired of it. I really am tired of it.
R: But you are very good.
S: But I don't want to do it any more.
R: Well you have no choice. So be glad that you are accomplished at clawing and scratching. Those are useful skills for your physical existence. But take care that you do not claw and scratch the wrong person.
S: You know me better.
R: You are very young yet. Most of your life is ahead of you. Some say that it is useful in the material world to set concrete goals, such as where one would care to be in one year, in two years, in five years, ten, twenty-five, fifty. In fact, (S) is a master at such planning, and may even be willing to offer advice, although if you claw and scratch he will not be so happy to receive you. [Laughter]
S: I don't know. I think it just has to do with a feeling of being so ineffectual in the world in terms of helping others,
R: Well, just look around and see everybody -
S: Yeah, that's when it really works, ad infinitum. I was just - if I didn't have to do what I'm doing to make a living I could be doing things that was helping other people But I feel like I am so caught up in my own clawing and scratching and surviving that I can't even scratch the surface of helping.
S2: Rayson, I don't think she realizes the good that she does. That is her problem.
R: My friends, by leading your life as a responsible citizen, as a loving mother, as a caring friend, you are fulfilling the demand for service on Urantia already. To go beyond that is not necessary right now for you. Master those areas first, and you will find that you are more peaceful within.
S: (Voice too low to make out words) after that, you know.
R: I am certain that (S) would be most happy to help. And perhaps in doing so he will discover the key to your project together.
S: That would be helpful. That is very clear to me.
R: There are many, many others on Urantia who feel as you do. And such feelings may impede one's personal growth if not dealt with appropriately. You are doing well, but others are not as perceptive as you. And perhaps the combined efforts of you and (S) might be very useful in helping those others as well as helping yourself personally.
S: Thank you. I'm sorry.
R: You are welcome. And there is no need for apology.
S: I wish to thank you, Rayson, for just being here today and sharing your thoughts with us. We certainly look forward to seeing you next weekend. (06/19/93)
[One week later.]
S: I call myself Whiny today. Two things. One, you spoke about remorse, that it's not useful, but I do want to communicate to you that I do have a bit of remorse about carrying on so last week, and conversely I want to thank you for the lesson that I got. And I want to thank you for the physical help. I do believe you contributed to balancing me out. Would you confirm this?
A: Yes, of course. It was a classic example of a teacher-student relationship.
S: Well, I really got the lesson, and I just apologize for seeing my glass as half-empty instead of half-full. There were things that were shared after the lesson was officially over that were really wake-up calls to me. And I'm very very grateful for having that now as what I call a reference point in eternity to remember if I ever get going off the deep end again. But I think a lot of it was a physical, hormonal, wackiness, and I apologize to the other side for my self-absorbed behavior.
R: There is no need to apologize. When you express that which is at the forefront of your thoughts, unknown to you, you speak for many who remain silent but listen intently. And the lesson, the content that comes forward in response, soothes the minds of others besides yourself. So it is actually a generous act for you to bear your true feelings in such a way.
S: Well, thanks for that. I understand what you are saying, and I just thank you. (06/26/93)
© 11:11 Progress Group.
"Michael est toujours au Volant."
(Michael is always at the Steering Wheel.)